The Silent Watcher
by TheFaintHeart
Summary: After discovering the most unlikely of places to study on campus, Bella found herself intrigued by another student.  She watched him for two years; too shy and afraid to make contact.  But when she finally decided to take a chance, would it be too late?


**While the characters of Twilight are not mine, the story line is.**

**Many thanks to Project Team Beta for their services and those who pre-read for me.**

**Special thanks to Moonlit Wishes and Rason for not one but two very lovely banners.**

**This One Shot was written as part of the Fandom For Preemies Fundraiser Compilation.**

**I'm so very proud to have been included in helping to bring awareness to such an amazing charity as The March of Dimes.**

**

* * *

**

**The Silent Watcher**

**By: TheFaintHeart **

The morning was cool-the type of cool that only comes with the end of summer and the start of a fall semester. Wind whipped and whirled around a twenty-something-year-old girl who walked as fast as she could without kissing the pavement underfoot. Pulling her sweater tighter around her torso and hitching her backpack higher on her shoulder, she ignored the way her hair blew around her face. She'd been excited to return to her favourite quiet place, having missed it during the summer months because it was expected of her to return home.

While not a lot of people usually sought refuge at the university's pool-side atrium, Bella found the humidity, increased temperature and smell of chlorine comforted her more than other quiet places on campus. It's true she couldn't plug in her laptop when she forgot to charge the battery while she sat poolside like she could when in the library, but that was a minor detail she was willing to overlook. When that did happen from time to time, Bella would simply work on other things, saving the computer work for when she returned home. Her first year at the university, much like all other fresh-faced eager overachievers, Bella thought the only place suitable to get decent studying done was at the library. All hours of the day not devoted to classes were spent in a cubicle next to the large windowed walls overlooking the field and ravine below.

She though it one of the most beautiful sights, and she was correct, for the most part. However, after one late afternoon huddled away in her little cubicle at the library, Bella had found herself annoyed with another group of students. They did not observe the well-known library policy of "Quite, Please". In fact, if Bella was being frank (which she often was), they were rather obnoxious in their discussions of some sort of project on Native American Art. Bella decided if they were loud enough that she knew what their project was about something needed to be done. What she really wanted to do was report those students to the librarian, but that left her feeling a little too much like a third grader. She could also just move to another cubicle, but it was _her_ cubicle and it was the only one available with her favourite view out the windows.

After a few minutes of silent seething, she decided to go to the cafeteria to pick up a hot chocolate to drink while she walked home, where she would finish her work in peace. She hoped those students would not be at that table near her cubicle in front of the window tomorrow when she returned. After packing up her book bag and zipping up her coat, she glared at the backs of the heads of those students who were still talking too loudly for her liking as she left the library.

The cafeteria was located in the athletic building. Bella did not usually frequent the athletic building for obvious reasons; she was not athletic. Bella abhorred all things that required physical prowess outside of walking. And sometimes she even hated walking, especially when she would trip or fall. It was when Bella would trip and fall that she would curse the world for her clumsy nature.

The day Bella went to the cafeteria to purchase a hot chocolate to warm her hands and belly while she walked home was a special day. That day, as she sipped at the warm milk, she had not been paying attention and found herself to be lost. Leave it to Bella to get lost in the one building she knew nothing about and actively avoided. The halls were quiet and Bella reasoned it was because all the athletes were out doing athletic things. She also reasoned that her first reason didn't hold much water; she blamed it on the fact that she just didn't know much about where she was and it was starting to give her a complex.

Bella prided herself on being familiar with the places she went, like the library. She could tell you exactly where to find all reference books pertaining to Women's Studies (they were on the second level, two stacks to the left of the washrooms) or where to find the latest New York Times Best Sellers in the fiction section (main floor, across from the coin-operated photocopiers); she could, not however, tell you where she was at that moment and did not like it one bit. Just as she decided to check her map of the campus, she heard voices. Relief flowed through her in a torrent as she walked as fast as she could safely manage toward the voices. She realized she wouldn't know them and would be forced to actually speak to the owners of the voices in order to find her way but she would have to deal with that when it came.

Rounding a corner, the voices grew louder and she looked up. There, at the end of the hall were four very tall, very athletic looking guys. Bella's shyness got the better of her like it always did and any courage she had mustered when the voices did not have bodies vanished. She knew it was ridiculous to be afraid of four fellow students but she was having a hard time convincing her mind to let go and open her mouth to ask for assistance. They were carrying gym bags and had their coats on. Based on these two observations alone, Bella assumed they were leaving the athletic building and took her chances on quietly following them in the hopes that they would unknowingly lead her to an exit.

Treading as softly as she could and attempting to match the gait of the jocks, Bella followed behind. She maintained a distance that was close but not close enough to be considered creepy or stalkerish. The four ahead of her did not notice their tiny shadow and continued their conversation about beer, babes and the latest televised sports highlights from the evening before.

After three different hallways and many familiar looking doors, Bella resigned herself to veer from the pack. She felt like an ass, remembering that it was her own fault for making assumptions in the first place. It was clear these fellows did not have plans to leave the building. She was tired and her hot chocolate had long since been hot; she just wanted to go home so she could finish reading "Mein Kampf" and then go to bed. Sure, it might sound like Bella was boring and perhaps a closet Nazi but she was a history major and felt it pertinent to read something as important as Adolf Hitler's self righteous-propaganda regardless of how horrific she found it. She was determined to read that book and every precious minute she spent wandering the corridors of the athletic building were minutes wasted.

By some stroke of a miracle, Bella found herself at the start of a very long hallway. The hallway was unlike any she could remember in the past half hour spent aimlessly wandering. She felt vindicated for her decision to abandon the sinking ship of the four unaware tour guides. At the far end of the hall, Bella could see the light of day, quite literally in fact. It was on the left-hand side, streaming in through the windowed half of the heavy double doors, waiting for her to rush to freedom. However, it was a long stretch of glass wall with fluorescent lights filling the rest of the hallway that captured her attention. In her curiosity to see what was so exciting that it required an open view of sorts, Bella stumble-stepped her way down the hall until she reached the third pane of glass and peered in, nose pressed to the glass like a young child.

It was magnificent and large; an Olympic sized swimming pool complete with what looked to be ten and twenty foot diving boards at the far end while a depth adjustor section sat at the other. Bella guessed it was likely used for such things as Aquasize or something else equally embarrassing to participate in. Intrigued by this unexpected surprise, Bella was walking through the sliding glass door before she realized she was doing so. Her body felt a strange pull to see what else there was to look at.

The shock of the temperature and moisture in the air assaulted her senses. It reminded her of the time her mother and father had taken her to Disney World in the middle of August during a heat wave. The aroma of chlorine would take some getting used to, but Bella didn't find it overly offensive. Looking from her right to her left was when Bella found herself internally squealing with glee. The area for people to sit and view the swimmers below was not the regular stadium-style seating one would expect; it consisted of long, deep carpeted steps, if you could really call them steps. It was more like sections: each one was three feet deep and the next row up was three feet higher than the one in front of it. Bella was instantly drawn to the quiet and solitude.

There were a few other students dotted around the area doing various things, but there was one person who had caught her eye. A boy was sitting cross-legged with books spread out around him. He was furiously flipping through text book pages while tugging at his hair as he jotted things down in a coiled notebook. It was between a particularly aggressive yank of his long blond hair and subsequent note-taking that Bella had been inspired. She was tired from her wandering around while lost and still very much wanted to finish her book. She spotted an unoccupied area of the giant stairs and dropped her book bag down and plopped herself right beside it with a sigh. She would be able to finish her book and then leave the poolside to the double doors down the hall that led to the outside world.

Bella smiled at the memory of her first time in the atrium that went on to replace her study cubical in the library as she pulled on the now very familiar double doors and headed toward the sliding glass one. Her frequent trips to the athletic building over the last two years had ensured that she quickly became well-acquainted with the building. It actually didn't take Bella very long to learn her way around the previously feared building once she committed herself to the observation area of the pool. After she was comfortable with the halls and confident she wouldn't get lost in them, she had slowly begun to take stock of the students that regularly spent as much time there as she did.

Her first year had included some girls who chose to sit in a pack, some guys who would usually come to sit and eat their lunch while they leered at the females in the Acquasize class (which left Bella rather disgusted), and of course the boy she had seen who gave her the inspiration to sit and enjoy the solitude the atrium could offer. She was so intrigued with him she was able to find contentment with simply observing him.

Her second year saw the creepy watchers leave only to have a new batch appear (at least the new group had the decency to pretend to be interested in actually studying by pulling books out of their bags albeit they were never opened), the pack of girls gave way to smaller groups of people who preferred to keep to themselves, and as always, the same blond-hair-yanking, manic-writing boy who never sat with anyone.

During that second year, Bella had watched him even more than the first. There were even a couple of close calls when he would look up from his books and she would have to quickly divert her eyes to avoid being caught mid-stare. About half way through the year, Bella found herself less than satisfied with only watching. She wondered what would happen if, instead of looking away when he looked up, she held eye contact. It had taken the better part of the last of the semester for her to feel brave enough to try. It happened on a Friday, she was feeling a little down because it would be two full days before she would see him again. But, while Bella was mentally running through things she could do to occupy her time, he had looked up. Bella froze and watched as he scanned over the few people surrounding them. His face showed a slight surprise as his eyes met Bella's. She held her breath waiting for his reaction. She had expected him to look away, but instead, a small, polite smile filled his lips. Bella returned a timid smile of her own. She waited until he looked away before blowing out her breath in a sigh.

In her third year, Bella wondered who would return and who wouldn't. She secretly hoped the boy would be back-he was the most consistent. And if Bella took the time to be as honest with herself as she was when assessing those around her, she felt some sort of an attraction to the guy. Not to mention he'd somehow managed to best her cherished view from her cubicle in the library, an impressive feat considering she only watched him from afar and never actually interacted with him. Yes, he was much better than the scenery; he was animated where the field and valley were still as a photograph, only changing with the seasons. She often found herself wondering what his story was. Why did he spend so much time near the pool and what he was majoring in? Heck, she didn't even know his name! She really wanted to introduce herself, but her painful shyness always saw that the moment Bella managed to muster up a modicum of courage, it was squashed faster than a mosquito landing on her arm. So she had resigned herself to careful, clandestine observations from a safe distance to avoid the awkwardness that would result should she be caught blatantly staring, again. But it was very difficult not to stare at someone as beautiful as he; Bella just couldn't help herself.

Bella knew that the first couple of weeks back at school would be a precarious situation. It would take some time for her to settle back into the routine of things before she could be comfortable enough to resume her frequent in-between-class atrium visits and would have to settle with early-morning and end-of-day visits. She knew this was probably the case for the boy as well and desperately wished it didn't take longer than a week before she would see him and discover his new routine. Bella wondered if it was creepy that she was so intrigued by someone she hadn't met. Worse yet, she doubted he even knew she spent as much time in the same room as him, breathing the same air. Or, what if he did know and decided two years of some strange girl watching him was as much as he could take and found another place on campus to study? Bella cringed at this very possible likelihood, desperately hoping it wasn't the case.

Bella's eyes darted to his usual spot on the stairs: empty. In a frenzy, she also looked around the rest of the area, knowing full well he wouldn't be there. She quickly passed over anyone who didn't have the familiar shoulder-length shaggy blond hair. Not once in the last two years had Bella seen him in any other spot beside the middle row to the left of the doors. Bella wasn't as picky with where she sat, choosing to move around depending on who else was in the area but always maintaining a spot with an unobstructed vantage point with which to watch him.

For her third year though, she was determined. What she was so determined for she couldn't decide; it was either being noticed by the intriguing boy and talking with him, or at the very least, she wanted to learn his name. All of this would be done by stopping her flip-flopping in the unofficial seating arrangement.

Taking the proverbial bull by its horns, Bella squared her shoulders, glancing one more time at the vacant spot to the left in the middle row and descended the first step. The next step brought her to a fork in the road. Was she brave enough to make this big of a commitment? Because once Bella decided upon something, she refused to allow herself an opportunity or an excuse to back out. She sighed, resolving her inner debate and turned to the right; it seemed that today she would take the road less traveled and felt a little euphoric at her own rebellion against her nerves and shy demeanour. It was much easier to commit to something when there wasn't anyone to see her frazzled nerves and internal debate.

Bella dropped her bag, staking her claim on the area. She idly wondered if that was how Neil Armstrong felt when he stepped foot on the moon. Probably not but she still felt pretty amazing for taking her first step, as it was. Now, she would be a mere twenty feet away from the beautiful blonde boy, although it would seriously cut into her ability to watch him and she would need to be that much more covert, but the trade-off of being closer was worth it. A plan had slowly begun to form in her mind; now that she'd taken the first step by changing where she sat, she felt compelled to take things further and try talking with him and perhaps that could possibly even lead to a date. Bella liked the sound of that but silently prayed she wasn't setting herself up for disappointment.

Bella unceremoniously unpacked her bag. It was early enough in the morning that only she and two other people were up there. She paid them no attention; they were not her golden-haired crush and therefore did not matter to her. She was restless, and until she saw him at least once today, she knew without a doubt she would remain restless. She pulled out the list of her classes even though she already had it memorized but still looked it over; her first class wasn't until 9am, which left her with a half hour before she would need to leave so that she could get a front row desk.

Tucking her feet under herself, she placed her Early American History text in her lap. Today was the first day of classes and although she had yet to be assigned any reading by her professors, she wanted to familiarize herself with the material so she wouldn't get behind after the first lecture. Professor Chapman relied heavily on the material in the text and Bella knew without a doubt she would need to know the book cover to cover to maintain her perfect 4.0 GPA.

After fifteen minutes of pseudo-reading, Bella gave up. Her mind was preoccupied and reading the same page four times was becoming redundant. She kept the book open and folded her hands on top of the words, trying her luck at osmosis. It had never worked before but there was always a first time for everything. Glancing to her left, the empty spot across the stairs gave Bella an unsatisfied and disgruntled feeling.

It was at that very moment while Bella was glaring so hard she expected smoke to appear as she burned a hole into the carpet that she realized she was much worse off than she previously allowed herself to believe. Bella had slowly become obsessed with the boy who reminded her of Kurt Cobain. She wanted to know when that happened. When did she allow him to dictate her study schedule and her mood each day? The more she considered things, the more she realized that was exactly what had happened over the last two years.

Bella had become, in a word, a stalker. She'd perpetually visited the atrium each day just to get a glimpse of the object of her affections. The days that she didn't see him first thing in the morning were inevitably worse and her mood adjusted accordingly until she did see him. While Bella posed no threat, she did know in the back of her mind that was what usually prompted people to visit the nearest Police station to file restraining orders. She did not want to be known as that crazy stalker girl who threw a wobbler in the atrium the first day of classes just because she didn't get to see her obsession. No, that would not be normal or appropriate at all. Resigned to the fact that she wouldn't allow herself to haunt the observation deck until the end of the day, Bella packed up her bag and left for her classes.

The day had been long and didn't hold the normal excitement and anticipation she was used to on the first day back. Instead, Bella lacked focus and was constantly watching the clock. She was angry at herself for not having a better grip on her emotions and letting things get so far out of hand. Finally, after her last lecture of the day, she felt consolation that she could now allow herself to return to the poolside.

On her way across campus, she decided to purchase a hot chocolate to bring with her, much like her accidental first visit, hoping it would be some sort of good omen. When she arrived at the sliding glass door she was accustomed to, she made a promise to herself: she would not get upset if he wasn't in there. Walking through the doorway and stopping at the top of the stairs, she broke her promise; he wasn't there and she was upset.

The situation was becoming painful for Bella. After working up the courage needed to begin her plan and ultimately acquire her end goal of a date, the defeat she felt at her second setback of the day was starting to take a toll on her courage. She didn't even bother to unpack her book bag, choosing instead to sit and stare blankly at the pool below while she mulled over her options.

She knew she shouldn't be so discouraged but part of her felt like it might just be too little too late. She thought maybe she waited too long to make her move and a tenuous one at that. She wanted to save some hope for tomorrow but was losing a grip on her carefully balanced nerves. She felt like she might just lose it after all and that would not be a pretty sight when it happened.

Bella did not want to be in that atrium any longer. She thought it best to go home and try to regroup for tomorrow and attempt to make sense of her scatterbrained notes from her lectures. As she began to pick up her unopened bag and turned toward the stairs, she was met with the most beautiful sight her pathetic eyes had seen all day. He was there! Not only was he there walking down the stairs, but he looked directly at her, and because the fates were feeling gracious, he even smiled at her. It was a friendly smile that was slightly higher on one side than the other. That crooked smile was bigger than the polite smile he had gifted her last semester. It was like a salve to Bella's distressed mental state, soothing and calming her all in an instant.

She couldn't stop herself as she smiled back, allowing it to stretch across her face. It was her large, full-toothed smile that encouraged the beautiful boy's grin to grow a little larger as well but doing nothing to correct the crookedness of it. Bella was certain she was in love with that smile. She settled back down and suddenly decided that leaving now wouldn't be in her best interest and began to open her bag. He did the same, sitting down and pulling out his books and arranging them the way Bella knew he would. Seeing him this close and watching his normal routine made Bella's stomach flutter with excitement and only served to reinforce her hope.

But there was a problem. Bella was so engrossed with watching the him that she didn't notice a petite girl with short wispy, obsidian hair at the top of the stairs looking down at the same boy. Bella did however hear what the girl said.

"Jasper!"

It was one word: a name. It was his name because he looked up from arranging his books and a full smile, much larger than the one he'd given Bella, filled his face once he saw the dainty girl. Bella knew right away that smile was reserved for only that girl and the smile he'd given to Bella moments ago was brought on out of politeness. Bella couldn't believe her eyes as she watched the girl practically dance her way down the stairs and over to the boy, Jasper. She refused to believe that the way they looked at each other was anything more than friendship. It would only take a minute before Bella was forced to remove her rose-coloured glasses and see what was right in front of her. The girl sat herself next to Jasper and they hugged and then kissed, on the lips. That kiss was much more than just a kiss between friends; it was a kiss of intimacy and only belonged to lovers.

Bella was heartbroken. She could feel the fracture start on her left side and work its way across her chest, threatening to split her in two. Of course he would have a girlfriend. What did she expect? In a perfect world, she expected that he would remain available until she worked up enough intestinal fortitude to actually speak to him. Sadly, that was not the way things worked out for her. Not only had he noticed her and smiled at her, making her feel lighter than air. But life was cruel enough to provide a pin with which to pop her imaginary bubble as she learned both his name and the painful fact that he had a girlfriend and a very beautiful one at that.

Bella couldn't take the pain any longer. She hastily packed up her bag, slung it over her shoulder and snatched up her hot chocolate. In her rush to remove herself from the disappointment she felt coming in the form of tears, she ran up the stairs. And in true Bella fashion, on the last step, she tripped, spilling her hot chocolate all over the front of her sweater.

Unable to bear the embarrassment as others looked on at her not only tripping but spilling all over herself, Bella didn't stop to pick up her empty styrofoam cup. She continued through the sliding glass door and ran like an escaped felon with her blurred tunnel vision on the double doors at the end of the hallway.

What Bella didn't know was if she had only slowed down and picked up that discarded cup, she would have been met by a concerned face and a shaky hand extending a handkerchief. Had she taken the time, she would have seen a copper-haired boy who held the same affections and had spent as much time obsessing over her and watching her for the last two years as she had spent on Jasper. However, that wouldn't be the case, because the next day Bella would return to her cubicle in the library with a view outside that no longer held any spark. And the boy with hair the colour of a new penny would learn the same disappointment and heartbreak Bella had.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**I'm leaving this story marked as uncomplete right now because I haven't decided if I'd like to add more to it or not. **

**If you wish to see the banners for this o/s the link to my blog is on my profile.**

**~TheFaintHeart**


End file.
